I'm not sure how long this post will be. I just don't have my mind together as well as I normally do. Yesterday, I was supposed to get an apartment with my close friend Caitlin. And the apartment was gorgeous, the price was decent..but something kept holding me back. I feel like I'm using my parents house as a crutch and it bothers me. I don't fully understand why I'm so scared to move out. Everyone else did it, but I can't. I make a decent amount of money at the Winking Lizard..and I probably can handel it...so what's my problem? I don't know. And it bugged me all night. And I didn't sleep well. I think it's because alot of people out there have their parents helping them out financially. It's not the same this way..and I'm not mad at them for it. It just puts me in a bad situation. I mean Caitlin..her parents pay for a decent amount of things..but everything I do I pay for. Car, phone, insurance, gas, etc. So to add on an additionaly $350 is huge you know? But I also don't want my first time being on my own to be in a completely different city and state. I don't know.
Question of the Day: At what point do you have to just grow up and be on your own?
//LauraelizabetH.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
6.16.09
So, blogging everyday hasn't really been an easy thing for me. I work about 5 or 6 days a week from 4-1230 and then I'm exhausted. Plus, I'm taking summer classes too. So..if anyone is reading this..sorry for the delay.
This past week has probably been the most draining week of my entire life. Maybe, that's a bit of a exaggeration, but nonetheless it's tiring. Relationships are a draining thing, but only when they are on the bad side. It's so hard to prove yourself to someone, or to make yourself heard. Once you have done something wrong..(or in my case many something's wrong) you basically have to live your life day in and day out walking on egg shells until you get it all fixed. But what happens when it's not fixed. Or when it's been a decent amount of time and you still feel like you haven' truly progressed? I don't know. Im in a pretty difficult situation and I have only two options and either way I look like the bad guy. Many of you may say that it shouldn't matter what other people say and that I should do what makes me happy. But it's not that black & white, or cut & dry. Because right now..two things would make me happy and they're on opposite sides of the spectrum. I'm a pisces. I don't know how many people know about zodiac signs, or believe in them..but I do. So, again..I'm a pisces. This means that I'm pretty emotional, artistic, caring, and helpful. It also means that I take things to heart, I have a temper, and I can sometimes be stubborn. The main characteristic I want to focus on is helpful. That characteristic can be positive and negative. It's all fun and good to help someone because you know you can make a difference and you know they'll appreciate it. But then it can be negative when you really want to help someone but you know it's out of your control, or that the help you could offer wouldn't do any justice. So in that case..what do you do? Do you keep helping when it's potentially not making you happy anymore, or do you sit back and let them handle it on their own? It's a hard decision to make, especially for the ones closest to you.
On another note. My summer classes began on Monday. I don't know how I like online classes. I always feel like I'm forgetting something. But it's not TOO bad because I have an entire week to get the assignment done. I really have to stay focused this summer on classes because these two classes will advance the process of me graduating in May. Wow..that's so weird to say (or type).."graduating in May". I always hear other people saying it and I think "that must feel good"..but I'm scared. Since I was about a Junior in college I have always said that once I graduated from college I would move out of state, get away, and start all over again. The city of choice is Chicago..and my dream still stands. So this time next year..hopefully I'll have a job, an apartment and a new life to begin in Chicago. And I'm gonna go with or without anyone. I almost gave this dream up for someone..and I just don't know if I can. I have given up so much of my life for relationships and this is one dream I'm keeping for myself.
Question of the Day:
-What dreams do you have? And at what lengths will you go to reach them?
//LauraelizabetH.
This past week has probably been the most draining week of my entire life. Maybe, that's a bit of a exaggeration, but nonetheless it's tiring. Relationships are a draining thing, but only when they are on the bad side. It's so hard to prove yourself to someone, or to make yourself heard. Once you have done something wrong..(or in my case many something's wrong) you basically have to live your life day in and day out walking on egg shells until you get it all fixed. But what happens when it's not fixed. Or when it's been a decent amount of time and you still feel like you haven' truly progressed? I don't know. Im in a pretty difficult situation and I have only two options and either way I look like the bad guy. Many of you may say that it shouldn't matter what other people say and that I should do what makes me happy. But it's not that black & white, or cut & dry. Because right now..two things would make me happy and they're on opposite sides of the spectrum. I'm a pisces. I don't know how many people know about zodiac signs, or believe in them..but I do. So, again..I'm a pisces. This means that I'm pretty emotional, artistic, caring, and helpful. It also means that I take things to heart, I have a temper, and I can sometimes be stubborn. The main characteristic I want to focus on is helpful. That characteristic can be positive and negative. It's all fun and good to help someone because you know you can make a difference and you know they'll appreciate it. But then it can be negative when you really want to help someone but you know it's out of your control, or that the help you could offer wouldn't do any justice. So in that case..what do you do? Do you keep helping when it's potentially not making you happy anymore, or do you sit back and let them handle it on their own? It's a hard decision to make, especially for the ones closest to you.
On another note. My summer classes began on Monday. I don't know how I like online classes. I always feel like I'm forgetting something. But it's not TOO bad because I have an entire week to get the assignment done. I really have to stay focused this summer on classes because these two classes will advance the process of me graduating in May. Wow..that's so weird to say (or type).."graduating in May". I always hear other people saying it and I think "that must feel good"..but I'm scared. Since I was about a Junior in college I have always said that once I graduated from college I would move out of state, get away, and start all over again. The city of choice is Chicago..and my dream still stands. So this time next year..hopefully I'll have a job, an apartment and a new life to begin in Chicago. And I'm gonna go with or without anyone. I almost gave this dream up for someone..and I just don't know if I can. I have given up so much of my life for relationships and this is one dream I'm keeping for myself.
Question of the Day:
-What dreams do you have? And at what lengths will you go to reach them?
//LauraelizabetH.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
06.07.09
So, this is me blogging.
I guess it's becoming a new trend. a way to expose yourself in whichever way one chooses. I choose the truth. I just can't understand anything but that. It hurts, and sometimes it's not always pretty..but in the end..it's the truth.
So, whoever is reading this..it's a caution that whatever i may blog about may not always be glamourous, pretty, and happy. I'm a real person and I have feelings that are good and bad. But don't stop reading now..I am a happy person and the purpose of this blog will be to let out my negative energy and allow the people I trust (truly truly trust) understand how i feel every day. (or as much as I'm able to blog.) I do enjoy comments and suggestions..so feel free to join in. This is supposed to be fun and helpful..so let's get started.
Well, I'm finally home from school. It's been about a month now and I've been working and making decent money. I mean I start American Eagle sometime soon (whenever they get it together) so I'll have 2 jobs and my summer classes being next Monday the 15th. So I'll be a busy girl. I can already feel how tired my body is..simply because it's not used to working this much this hard. But I enjoy the 60-80 bucks a night..a lot more than I was getting. So the complaints are invalid. Um.. what else? I have this drive in me. I don't know if any of you have this. Maybe Tara with her fashion, Kendra with acting, Jessica with her art, Brye with her love for animals and the environment..but mine is with music. I listen to the radio or watch youtube videos of performances saying " I can do that." So I have an acoustic guitar that I'm trying to learn how to play. I have so many emotions and feelings that I can't always speak about but I can sing about. I'm not sure if that makes sense to any of you. I guess when singing it I can just say it and get it out and you (the audience) can take from it whatever you please. But when I talk about things, feelings, and emotions the conversations come with preconceived notions, stereotypes and arguments. So to avoid all of it I can put it to a melody and still get a release. Plus, who doesn't love a beautiful melody they can't get out of their head, right? So..that's really one of my main goals is to start making music. Maybe get 4 songs together to be able to do at open mic nights instead of singing someone else's songs at karaoke. So hopefully this will work out well.
Well hopefully this blog was interesting. I'll try and post photos every so often and stuff to keep it interesting as well.
Cya.
//LauraelizabetH.
I guess it's becoming a new trend. a way to expose yourself in whichever way one chooses. I choose the truth. I just can't understand anything but that. It hurts, and sometimes it's not always pretty..but in the end..it's the truth.
So, whoever is reading this..it's a caution that whatever i may blog about may not always be glamourous, pretty, and happy. I'm a real person and I have feelings that are good and bad. But don't stop reading now..I am a happy person and the purpose of this blog will be to let out my negative energy and allow the people I trust (truly truly trust) understand how i feel every day. (or as much as I'm able to blog.) I do enjoy comments and suggestions..so feel free to join in. This is supposed to be fun and helpful..so let's get started.
Well, I'm finally home from school. It's been about a month now and I've been working and making decent money. I mean I start American Eagle sometime soon (whenever they get it together) so I'll have 2 jobs and my summer classes being next Monday the 15th. So I'll be a busy girl. I can already feel how tired my body is..simply because it's not used to working this much this hard. But I enjoy the 60-80 bucks a night..a lot more than I was getting. So the complaints are invalid. Um.. what else? I have this drive in me. I don't know if any of you have this. Maybe Tara with her fashion, Kendra with acting, Jessica with her art, Brye with her love for animals and the environment..but mine is with music. I listen to the radio or watch youtube videos of performances saying " I can do that." So I have an acoustic guitar that I'm trying to learn how to play. I have so many emotions and feelings that I can't always speak about but I can sing about. I'm not sure if that makes sense to any of you. I guess when singing it I can just say it and get it out and you (the audience) can take from it whatever you please. But when I talk about things, feelings, and emotions the conversations come with preconceived notions, stereotypes and arguments. So to avoid all of it I can put it to a melody and still get a release. Plus, who doesn't love a beautiful melody they can't get out of their head, right? So..that's really one of my main goals is to start making music. Maybe get 4 songs together to be able to do at open mic nights instead of singing someone else's songs at karaoke. So hopefully this will work out well.
Well hopefully this blog was interesting. I'll try and post photos every so often and stuff to keep it interesting as well.
Cya.
//LauraelizabetH.
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